After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
