why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
