I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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