chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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