Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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