i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
