The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
