Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is Oprah even human
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
