At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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