I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
