I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
