oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
