I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it penis luge time yet?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
