I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
