so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
