He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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