It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
