Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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