Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
