I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
