I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
