The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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