babies were throwing up all over the place
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
