man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
