never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
