I'm drive I can fine osifer
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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