If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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