I cockslap morals
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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