Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
