Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
try to milk me bitch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
