I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
