we made out on top of his cat.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I would fuck him just for his dog
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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