Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize