she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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