I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
