I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
