Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He did a backflip because drugs
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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