update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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