Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
