Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
