literally had 100 drinks last night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
