Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
