This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
