Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My dad just said "fuck circus"
this is an emotional support booty call
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
