Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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