How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
