what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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