Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
