I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
