He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
