I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
