Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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