You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
