We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
