So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
