she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
