Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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