Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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