Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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