Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize