no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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