I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize