hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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