yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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