Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
