apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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