Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
