Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
