her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
