Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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