did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize