so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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