She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
