im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
