farters have to be the big spoon...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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