He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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