You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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