seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
