Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
