the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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