you traded sex for a burrito?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
